Day 9. What are three things you would be willing to try at least once?
honestly before last weekend hiking would have been one of the three on these list XD but seeing as I finally did that I suppose I’ll move on…
1. Traveling - this one may seem weird… but for the most part I’ve convinced myself that I don’t like to travel without trying it yet. I’ve mentioned that my new dream schools are MIT, CalTech, and UC Berkeley, and of course they mention ‘you know you’ll have to travel to go there.’ well duhhhh, I think I’ve realized that I’ll have to travel to go to any of those places. But over the past few months I’ve come to accept the fact that I need to travel to achieve these new goals I’m making. and by traveling I don’t just mean going to these schools, they’re just examples of how I’ve previously felt about ‘traveling’, I think I’m alright now with the idea of going overseas…or at least I’m alright with trying it at least once.
2. Working on a farm for a day- haha this one is weird too, but I think it’s so interesting. I guess cuz one of my friends has chickens and goats that I wonder what it’s like to care for farm animals for a day. It seems like it’s hard work, it’d be an interesting experience.
3. Skydiving - I feel like this one is on everyone’s list. Anyways, my brother did it, he used to be scared of heights, so I can do it to XD
ugh >.< talk about reasons I avoid calling home -.- lecturing me about exposing too much when i go swimming??? i wear a freaking tankini and swimming skorts X_X thats more coverage than a one-piece already! and you’re thinking that i’m going to take pictures and post them on fb that i’m going to ‘regret later’?? do you seriously take me for some wild party girl or something? and i don’t even know what type of pictures you’re referring to, cuz you said no when i asked ‘what?? like me making out with someone?!’ like for real, i’m the least of the siblings that would need a lecture about this stuff -.- but i guess i’m the only one unfortunate enough to bother calling home … bleh…
Day 7. Lyrics that remind you of an event in your life.
Well if you wanted honesty, that’s all you had to say. I never want to let you down or have you go, it’s better off this way. For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took, Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I’m not okay I’m not okay I’m not okay You wear me out
What will it take to show you that it’s not the life it seems? (I’m not okay) I’ve told you time and time again you sing the words but don’t know what it means (I’m not okay) To be a joke and look, another line without a hook I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!
I’m not okay I’m not okay I’m not okay You wear me out
Forget about the dirty looks The photographs your boyfriend took You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed
I’m okay I’m okay! I’m okay, now (I’m okay, now)
But you really need to listen to me Because I’m telling you the truth I mean this, I’m okay! (Trust Me)
I’m not okay I’m not okay Well, I’m not okay I’m not o-fucking-kay I’m not okay I’m not okay (Okay)
This one goes back to those wasted years (ref. Day 6) and sometimes I like to go back and listen to this stuff, sometimes I just feel like listening to SOTY XD
Day 6. Describe a possession that means a lot to you.
At first I was going to write about my cameras… but after thinking a little more about it I think that my old diaries actually mean more to me. I’ve kept pretty much all of my old diaries and sometimes when I come across them I read through them again. I used to always write in them so reading through them is like going through years of flashbacks. Every once and a while there’s some really happy memories, but for the most part my diaries are filled with the hard times I went through… I distinctly remember one ‘entry’ if you could even call it that where I just took a pen and wrote a phrase over and over a page in anger, pretty much just filling the page with ink and almost ripping it. My diaries hold those raw emotions of my younger years…one day I had gone through my old diaries and realized I had been wishing to leave this earth since 6th grade… emotions I struggled with and finally acted upon after 4 years… then one year later started a personal recovery process that has resulted in who I am today.
I’m not exactly sure how many of these I have, I know at least 3, maybe 4. All but one that Angie gave me are pretty tiny, smaller than the 1/4 legal pads I always carry. I haven’t written in any of them for at least a year now…last time I really remember doing so was back in Freshman year college… I guess my tumblr has evolved into my new diary.
So this weekend I went on a MAOP/McNair retreat to Camp Alta Mons, which is like 30ish min away from VTech. Honestly, I wasn’t really looking forward to it… going to unfamiliar places with a group I didn’t know very well yet and having no contact to the external world in the middle of drama. But these feelings aren’t new for me and retreats, but I’ve yet to have a retreat that I didn’t make good memories from.
We got there and the off-campus people didn’t have room assignments listed, the list had gotten cut off or something. I ended up rooming with 2 other girls, we had a bunk bed and a normal bed. The place seemed set up more like hotel rooms than a dorm/’camp’
I got the top bunk, it felt like a crib XD and yea that is McDonald’s.. it was supposed to be my lunch but I never ate it till I got there.
The place was pretty cool, it was a church camp but the facilities were nice.
This was the common area where we would have the lectures and game time. You can sorta see the cross on top of the fireplace and not pictured to the left of the room is a piano with hymnals surrounding it. The food there was pretty good too, it was at least a good break of the routine meals I’ve been having. We had a speaker talk to us about leadership stuff for 3 lectures. Overall I liked the lectures, it was a lot of stuff I had heard before of course but still stuff I never act on >.< One of the biggest things that I actually took away from the lectures was the H.A.L.T. method for decision making. H.A.L.T. means: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. These are the 4 states when that we should never make decisions… and that really hit home for me because I realized that the drama I was having was all surrounding decisions I’ve been making while angry, lonely, AND tired… possibly hungry as well since it’s usually late at night. After that lecture I took a few minutes to just reflect on it and I really wished I had some sort of cell signal.
The fun activity for Friday night was a wagon ride. I only took my lil Nikon with me and it’s been forever since I’ve used it as my main camera. This was one of my favorite pictures this weekend, usually I’m not really good at panning but this one was captured very well :D The ride was pretty fun, a couple spiders fell in our wagon because the tractor was blowing them out of the trees, some of the girls were freaking out pretty badly. When we were actually on the wagon, taking pictures was sorta hard cuz it was sunset, really bumpy, and I couldn’t manually set my camera. But it did make for some interesting motion shots XD
The ride gave us a little tour of the area, it was really pretty being up in the mountains.
Saturday was when we had the bulk of the lectures. There was a lot of down time but it was relaxing. During the breaks I just went around taking a lot of pictures. There was a small pond across from our lodge and some of the guys played football in a small field near the lodge. The pond was really clear but it did have a lot of algae in it. There were fish and dragonflies everywhere and we even saw one turtle. They had canoes but we didn’t have permission to use them.
We went on a ropes course which was fun and somewhat difficult at times. I didn’t get too many pics of it because my camera died >.< But this is a cool one of our director.
Ruben, Suju, Emmanuel and I went out exploring to try and get to the waterfall but we didn’t make it all the way and headed back in time for the bonfire for s’mores.
And after s’mores we just played with the fire XD
Sunday morning we attempted to get to the waterfall again, this time starting at 6AM
(lighting is different cuz this pic is from after)
We headed out super early and it was warm and humid. But it was still really pretty.
It was my first time hiking, although it wasn’t a very long hike, bout 40 min going up and like 20 coming back down. Before halfway going up I was already breathing really hard XD I just don’t exercise much but I kept on pushing on and kept up with the group. This time it was the same group plus Paul took Emmanuel’s place.
Being in the woods made a big difference with how dark it was, but it was still enough to see well. We had to cross bout 3 creeks, this is the first one and the one that I stepped in when I slipped off the rocks during our first attempt on Saturday. I ended up stepping in the second creek on our way back this morning, but my shoes were already damp anyways so I didn’t really care XD.
Finally the waterfall was in sight, we just had to decided if we wanted to keep going and try to get to the top or just go to the base. I attempted to go up..but it was just to steep for me, even when trying to just crawl up the slope. So I headed to the base of the waterfall, had to grab the tree roots and climb down, my camera fell down the slope but Paul was able to recover it and it wasn’t damaged or anything, yay cases :) when we got to the bottom it was just so cool and well worth the hike. Ruben and Suju started going up top but heard an animal or something so met up with us at the bottom. We had a photo-shoot and it it was awesome :D
I’m just starting to get sore from the trip and I’m really glad we had it. I met most of the people in the program and it was a lot of fun XD even with all the bugs.
A beautiful place, a break from reality, a time for reflection… I didn’t know it at the time, but it was just what I needed.
I’ll just go for one - my boyfriend. Yea to some of my friends it seems like we may be in a constant state of drama…but that’s mostly me being needy and clingy. Honestly, I don’t know why he likes me or how he puts up with my bitchiness all the time. Some people ask me why I’m still with him when I always seem so upset all the time, but I’m just not someone who deals well with distance and also I get upset over like EVERYTHING… you might just not know it. He was there for me through my second rough patch in high school… to me, he’s the reason I’ve lived this long… he’s the reason I stopped doing really stupid shit, and he’s the one that would be on the phone with me when I was crying. If there was ever to be a constant in my life, I would want it to be him.